Why We Don’t Play Gross or Messy Games in Youth Group
It was “The Night of Awesomeness” that killed gross and messy games in my youth ministry. As I’ve previously written, fun and games are not the enemy. Over the last decade, I’ve grown convinced that youth workers need to give more intentional thought about what kinds of games they play - because games create and reinforce our ministry culture.
On this night, we encouraged students to invite their unchurched friends. Some of them actually did, and we were so excited to welcome them. Our night featured a Happy Shake (a blended up happy meal that a student got two minutes to drink), bobbing for tootsie rolls in a bedpan filled with Mountain Dew, and the coup-de-grâce was an ice cream eating contest featuring frozen mayonnaise for one unlucky participant. Surely, this is the recipe for a fun evening for all. Or so we intended.
I was shocked to talk with our youth who brought friends. They said their friends weren’t impressed, and they wouldn’t be coming back. Eventually, one of our student leaders reluctantly shared her friend’s comment, “If this is how you treat people here, why would I want to be a part of this?” The other students who brought friends offered similar feedback. To say this was a wake-up call is to put it mildly. I was utterly heart-broken.
Getting Them in the Front Door Isn’t Enough
Youth workers have often taken an approach to reaching teenagers that raises the eyebrows of older generations. Some of that is because adults have become stodgy and boring. But much of it, if we’re honest, is because we enjoy pushing the envelope. Some youth workers feel like they aren’t doing their job unless they’re living on the edge. And, of course, this is always done with a desire to reach unchurched teenagers.
But what if getting them in the front door isn’t enough?
What if their experience in the room undermines the message we preach? What if they see adults playing pranks on teenagers and presenting it as love? And what if they come inside, looking for something different from what they find everywhere else in their world… only to find more of the same?
It takes a lot of time and trust for an unchurched kid to walk into a church. Usually, this happens through the influence of a Christian friend who has taken the risk to invite their friend. It’s a risky invitation to offer… and to receive. The Christian friend is trusting the youth ministry to not fulfill every bad Christian stereotype; and the unchurched friend is trusting that their friend isn’t bringing them to a cult. Let’s honor that trust by setting the table for students to experience a different type of welcome than they experience from the world.
No One Respects a Clown
Some proponents of gross/messy games might say the “Night of Awesomeness” was an especially bad example that shouldn’t be used to criticize all gross/messy games. Maybe that’s fair. There are probably ways to employ these types of games in ministry without publicly shaming students and leaving visitors with a bad taste in their mouths about how this group operates.
But this example drives home the lesson that no one respects a clown. When youth workers take up the role of jester, it often comes at the expense of their pastoral dignity.
If you’re reading this article and feel like I’m attacking your ministry philosophy, then that’s proving my point. The games we play shouldn’t be something so near and dear to the core of our ministry philosophy that asking “Should we play gross/messy games” feels like an attack. This should be a fair question to ask. Personally, I don’t see how I can do them in my own ministry without slipping into a ministry posture that I’ve chosen to leave behind. Maybe you’ll make a different decision and can use them with a genuine gospel-centered culture. I can’t.
If the question raised by this article challenges the way you run your week-to-week ministry, then maybe it’s a good thing for you to genuinely ask whether or not you’re building on fun and games or on the gospel. We should use games to cultivate and reinforce our gospel-culture, not to persuade students to attend.
Removing Shame, Giving Dignity, Fostering Unity
Ministry culture is best defined as “the way we act without thinking about it.” One way to discern a ministry culture, and to redirect a ministry culture is through the games we play. If our games trick, deceive, and embarrass students because it’s entertaining to the crowd - then our ministry culture will follow that pattern. But if our games promote fun and laughter with dignity and joy, then that’s a genuinely beautiful thing that sets the stage for unity among students.
Personally, I have resolved to never publicly shame a student since that “Night of Awesomeness.” I didn’t mean to do that - but I did. That’s not something I’d ever do on purpose. But it happened. It’s the type of thing that can happen quickly, and is often seen only in hindsight or through a conversation with brave and self-aware students who can articulate how they’re feeling. Gross games can go sideways so easily, they’re just not worth it. Messy games seem a bit safer, but I know myself and I know my sense of humor - it’s just better for me to avoid it altogether.
As for me, I have chosen to prioritize games that are simply fun. Teenagers are fun and youth group shouldn’t be boring. But prioritizing fun will easily lead you down a dangerous path. Instead, prayerfully cultivate a joyful ministry culture where regular attendees and visitors will feel welcomed and loved by their peers and leaders. It may mean you avoid certain games or activities that could be lots of fun because you’ve chosen different ministry priorities. That’s not a sacrifice, it’s intentional ministry to the students entrusted to your care.
