What I’d Tell My Rookie Self
I became a youth pastor when I was 25 years old, just after graduating with my M.Div. from Gordon-Conwell Seminary. During my interview weekend I remember giving grandiose answers to simple questions, like answering “What are some challenges Christian teenagers face today?” by saying something about postmodern philosophy. It’s not that the answer was false, but it was unhelpful and overthought.
Now I’m 44 years old and I served as a youth pastor for 18 years before launching into leading YPT as my full-time ministry last year. This ministry gives me the opportunity to talk with many youth pastors from a wide range of contexts, many of whom are fairly young in ministry.
Accordingly, I thought it might be helpful to share a few hard-learned lessons I wish I could go back and tell myself when I was a youth ministry rookie.
1. Commit to Personal Holiness Today
It’s easy when you’re preparing for ministry to think that godliness and daily prayer and devotional Bible reading will become easier or more natural when you’re a pastor. That’s simply not the case. Cultivate a heart of prayer and a love for Scripture today. Don’t put it off. Busyness can easily crowd out “first things” and spiritual warfare is real. Take these things seriously today. It won’t become easier the longer you stay in ministry… but it will be a significant factor in whether or not you endure in ministry over the long haul.
2. The Gospel is More Than Salvation
The gospel isn’t an evangelism tool and it’s not only for unbelievers. I wish I had a way to articulate the narrow and broad senses of the gospel early on, it would have helped me avoid some conflicts with other leaders. These confusions weren’t so much disagreements as they were misunderstandings, since we were both talking about “the gospel” but in different ways. In short, the narrow gospel highlights God’s grace for sinners and proclaims find new life in Jesus Christ, while the broader gospel tells about salvation history (Creation, Fall, Redemption, Glorification) from Genesis through Revelation.
3. Respect and Honor the Parents
Partnering with parents is more than a strategy to get them to bring their kids to your program, it’s a biblical principle that gets at the heart of what youth ministry even is. That should be fairly obvious and not need much defense. But I’ll admit that I often viewed my “partnership” with them as a way to get them on board with my ministry rather than as an opportunity to genuinely honor and support them. Instead of making hollow statements about our “partnership in ministry” by making these leadership and then announcing them, I could have brought my ideas to the parents and asked for their counsel and ideas before the final decision was made. This would have honored and respected their maturity while helping me make better decisions that have buy-in from more people.
4. Beware of Sarcasm
My sense of humor tends towards sarcasm. This made ministry somewhat difficult with some Millennials, but GenZ is a highly sarcastic generation and I’ll admit I’ve gotten carried away too many time. For me, one of the warning signs that my sarcasm has gone too far is when I give someone a compliment or want to encourage them but they aren’t sure if I mean it or if it’s a joke. That’s a real problem! No one respects a clown or turns to them for pastoral care. Be on guard against getting carried away by your sarcastic sense of humor.
5. You Can’t Disciple Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Be Discipled
I want to make disciples. That is, after all, the mission of the Great Commission! But I’ve spent hours upon hours trying to disciple students who never expressed a desire to be discipled, only to be frustrated and discouraged by the lack of progress. Obviously, none of this is wasted in the Lord’s economy, and I trust that time was meaningful in some way. But I do wish that I was more strategic about making opportunities for students to communicate a discipleship plan to students and to give them an opportunity to express their desire to be discipled. Instead, I was afraid that holding students accountable to a “plan” was too legalistic so I didn’t do this well for a very long time. (pro tip: the New City Catechism is a gold mine for discipleship and their app be used with great success)
6. How You Say it Matters
I’m the guy who started a ministry called “Youth Pastor Theologian.” So I never needed to be told to beef up my messages. Instead, I needed to learn how to teach with simplicity and clarity. That takes time and skill, and it can’t be rushed. But it could have taken less time for me to learn if I was more open to making the necessary changes. My youth leaders would sometime encourage me towards clarity and application only for me to respond, “If the students have hard hearts and are resistant to the Word then that’s on them, let’s pray for the Holy Spirit to work on them.” But I look back now and see the stubbornness and pride behind such statements. It’s possible to speak and teach with biblical and theological depth and with clarity. (note: make sure you subscribe to YPT for an upcoming announcement about this… you won’t want to miss it!)
7. On Pastoral Security and Insecurity
I would often attend pastors gatherings with my senior pastor, only to be the lone youth pastor there. Well-meaning pastors at these meetings and conferences would take an interest in me and ask if I’ve considered seminary (I had already graduated with my M.Div), or if I had a desire to preach (my pastor identified that as a strength of mine early-on and gave me opportunities to preach), and then they’d ask “Do you want to become a pastor someday?” and I’d just about lose it… because I’d already told them I was the “Pastor of Youth & Families.” As frustrating as this was, and still is, I need to admit my over-reactions came from my own insecurity. Youth ministry is pastoral ministry. It is theological work. There is dignity in serving as a youth pastor because God has called his Church to pass the faith from generation to generation. So, even if others don’t “get it,” then get over it and carry on… because you serve the Lord, not your own reputation.
There’s more I wish I could share with my younger self. Some of it would have to do with contributing to a retirement fund at a younger age and to the challenges of becoming an adult. Other lessons are more obvious, like “don’t try to be that other youth pastor you admire.” But these are the seven lessons that I think would have served me best.
If you’re a new youth pastor, I’d also point you to YPT’s Guide for New Youth Ministers. This is a PDF download that will help you think through some important issues and will guide you to developing 90-day and yearly goals. The YPT Community is also here to encourage and support you.
Finally, be patient. Relationships and trust take time to build. Skills take time to hone and sharpen. Wisdom comes to those who are teachable over the long-haul. Don’t give up. God is faithful and he will continue to build his church.
