Relationship Building Questions for Youth Ministry
Every youth worker has experienced the awkwardness of being with a student, with nothing to talk about. You’re standing there. They’re standing there. And the uncomfortable silence is covering you like a gigantic wet blanket. Then, you both silently walk away and breath a sigh of relief.
The following questions have served me really well in my efforts to build relationships with students. There’s no silver bullet. But this acronym, paired some creativity and experience, comes really close.
Ask students “Where are you F.R.O.M?”
This stands for: Fun, Relationships, Occupation, Memories. One of the best ways to get to know your students is by asking them about themselves. These are questions that invite them to talk about something they already know, without having to dig too deep. As you get to know them better, you can use this acronym by asking deeper questions on the same topics.
Here are some examples, in varying degrees of “I don’t know you at all” to “We’ve known each other for years.” This is a remarkably versatile method of coming up with questions to get to know your youth.
Fun
What do you like to do for fun?
Have you done anything fun lately with your friends or family?
If you could do anything this weekend, what would you do?
Do you play or watch any sports?
What’s your favorite movie/show?
Who do you listen to on Spotify? What’s your favorite song?
Who’s your favorite YouTuber? What types of videos do they do?
If you could compete in the Olympics in any event, what would it be?
Do you have any hidden talents?
If you were going to do a karaoke song, what would it be? Who would you pull into performing it with you?
If you were on a reality-TV show, which one would it be?
Relationships
note: tread lightly when it comes to questions about students’ families. You don’t always know about strained or sensitive relationships, and you’ll want to be very careful about seeming like you’re prodding to deeply or taking sides.
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Who do you like to hang out with?
What do you and your friends like to do?
How did you meet your best friend?
Who’s the most famous person you’ve ever met? Tell me about it…
If you could be BFF’s with any celebrity, who would it be? Why?
Who in your family do you get along best with?
Do you think you’re more like your mom or dad? (again, only ask this to students you know who have relatively healthy relationships with both parents)
Occupation
What’s your favorite subject in school?
Who’s your favorite teacher? What makes a good teacher?
If you could add any subject to be taught in your school, what would it be?
What’s your favorite thing about your school?
If you could have any job when you’re older, what would it be?
What job do you think you’d be good at?
What’s one job you’d absolutely never want to do?
What do you think is the hardest job out there?
If you could be the President, would you? What would be the first thing you’d do?
Memories
Most of these questions are best to ask students you already know since they could be potentially triggering to hard memories or strained relationships… or they could reinforce students’ feelings about being inferior than others for having less than they think others have.
If you could travel back in time, what historical event would you want to witness?
If you could go back in time and re-experience anything from your memory, what would it be?
If you could meet anyone from the Bible, who would it be and why?
What’s your favorite vacation?
What’s your happiest memory?
Do you have any fun family traditions? Summer vacation spots, Christmas traditions, etc?
What do you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?
What’s your favorite youth group memory? Favorite youth group activity?
As you can see, these are general categories for types of questions you can ask to launch into various conversations. Try to base your questions according to what you already know about that student. Thoughtful questions demonstrate that you already know some things about them, and that’ll subtly communicate to them that you actually listen to their answers. The more you can show students you’re a good listener, the easier these conversations will become and the more trust you’ll earn.
Finally, here are some questions you can ask to transition into spiritual conversations. Sometimes, especially during camps and retreats, students are expecting you to ask these spiritual questions… don’t disappoint them! Sure, there will be some awkward moments, but you’ll want to have courage that these simple conversations have established a good enough rapport for you to transition into conversations about the faith.
How are you and Jesus doing?
How can I be praying for you? How can I be praying for your friends or family?
What have you been learning about God lately?
Do you have any questions about Jesus or the Bible?
What sorts of questions do your friends and peers in school have about Christianity?
