How I’m Teaching About Friendship

The “What I’m Teaching at Youth Group” series presents a snapshot of a recent series the author has taught in their own ministry. Our goal is to present a helpful model for what it looks like to practice biblical and theological depth in youth discipleship.

Less than 30 years ago, teenagers spent two and a half days a week together in person on average. Today, that number is closer to just one day a week. For those who have ministered to young people over that time, the difference in relationships, interactions, and activities is undeniable. And yet, one critical fact remains: friendships are vital to the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of teenagers.

At the same time, teens seem to have a harder time forming deep friendships. Many invest more in dating relationships than in strong, platonic friendships. Closeness, openness, and support are now often associated with romantic relationships rather than with the traditional kinds of friendship.

These trends are why I decided to teach on friendship in my student ministry. I wanted to help our students see why God created friendship, explore some biblical examples of friendship, and recognize that deep, meaningful friendships are worth the investment. Our five-week series explored these themes, and three key ideas stood out.

Friendship Is Deeply Biblical

David and Jonathan’s example gives us a powerful biblical foundation for what a strong, platonic friendship might look like. Scripture tells us that Jonathan was “bound to David in close friendship” (1 Samuel 18:1). In his book Made for People, Justin Whitmel Earley describes this kind of “covenantal friendship” as a deep, binding relationship built first on commitment to Christ, then to one another through vulnerability, humility, and trust— these are the kinds of relationships, he claims, that bear Kingdom fruit.

Jonathan and David modeled this type of friendship, and God used their bond to advance His kingdom and establish the throne of David. Jonathan was willing to honor, support, and protect David, even though it came at the expense of his father’s love and his own throne. Only a relationship of serious depth, rooted in obedience to God, would make that kind of commitment to another person. By contrast, many teenage friendships today remain shallow, often hindered by dishonesty and broken trust, leaving many teenagers “friendship hopping and shopping” rather than cultivating deeply rooted relationships. As youth workers, we should want to see something different.

Scripture gives us an important precedent: friendships can be covenantal. Teenagers can have deep, meaningful relationships that include practices like confession, counsel, and encouragement. But these friendships don’t happen by accident. They take intentionality, trust, and a willingness to invest in one another, even if it comes at great cost to themselves.

Friendship Matters for Now and Later

Loneliness is one of Satan’s most effective weapons. Isolated Christians are often vulnerable to discouragement, confusion, and even deception. But loneliness isn’t just the feeling of being alone—it’s the feeling of having lost connection. It’s the pain of watching others move on without us, of feeling abandoned and adrift. That kind of pain doesn’t disappear quickly; it can deprive us of the joy that we are supposed to carry into other spheres.

Ecclesiastes 4 speaks directly to this struggle: “Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless—a miserable business!” Solomon warns against the danger of trying to isolate ourselves, recognizing the emptiness of striving alone. His question, “Who am I toiling for?” provides the insightful realization: life is not merely difficult to live alone; the isolated life renders any accomplishments we may achieve obsolete. Part of our purpose and joy in life is sharing it with others. 

Friendship matters because it’s where we are truly known—not just as acquaintances who know facts about each other, but as people who experience and share life deeply in community. Real friendship strengthens us, challenges us, and helps us grow. It allows us to give and receive grace, to speak truth in love, and to experience glimpses of Christ’s love through one another. Our eternal purpose is tied to a community in Christ, but that is meant to begin now. 

Friendship Is an Invitation from Christ

In John 15:14, after describing what it means to abide in Him, Jesus turns to His disciples and says, “You are my friends.” This isn’t just a passing statement—it’s an active truth. He is still calling us His friends today. There’s a song my daughter loves, and the chorus ends with these words:

“I call Him Hope, Peace, Wonderful Savior, And oh, what joy that Jesus calls me friend!”

Teenagers need to understand that when they follow Christ, they are not just forgiven by Him—they are invited into friendship with Him. This isn’t a distant or conditional connection, but a deep, abiding relationship. Jesus laid down His life for His friends (John 15:13), and He invites us into a friendship built on the same kind of sacrificial love, grace, and truth that He modelled for His disciples.

Friendship isn’t just a social benefit. It’s a biblical calling. It shapes us, strengthens us, and ultimately points us to the greatest Friend we could ever have—Jesus Himself. This isn’t just a metaphor—it’s reality. In a world where friendships can feel temporary or transactional, Jesus offers one that is eternal and unshakable. When we abide in Him, we are not merely servants, we are members of a community. We, as members of Christ’s body, are called to have deep relationships; to be friends—fully known, deeply loved, and never alone.

Here is How I Taught a 5 Week Series on Friendship: 

WEEK 1: What is Friendship? - 1 Samuel 18:1-5 

WEEK 2: Why We Need Friends? - Ecclesiastes 4:7-12 (Looking at the heart behind a cord of three strands is not easily broken)

WEEK 3: Jesus Calls Us Friend - John 15:9-17 

WEEK 4: Walking Into or Away From Friendships - Romans 12:9-21 

WEEK 5: Finding Your Friends - Proverbs 12:26, Proverbs 13:20, 1 Corinthians 15:33

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