Reclaiming Tolerance
It doesn’t take long to realize that tolerance is the new golden rule for GenZ. In their worldview, tolerance is the most important virtue of all, because without it you’ll get cancelled. When faced with this brand of extreme, no-holds-barred tolerance that preaches “you do you” and “live your truth,” it can seem like tolerance is an enemy to the gospel.
I’m increasingly persuaded that “how” we say it matters just as much as “what” we say. Youth workers and parents should set godly examples for how to talk about disagreements and difficult issues in a way that honors Christ instead of falling into the world’s pattern of “owning” or “taking down” their opponents. We should not encourage intolerance or seek to discourage tolerance, but to redeem it.
Tolerance Assumes Disagreement
It is not always tolerant or kind for a third-party to tell two people who have significant differences they are both correct. For example, consider telling a Musilm and a Hindu they should get along because they actually both believe the same spiritual truths and worship the same God, only from different perspectives. This statement undermines the central teachings of Islam and no faithful Muslim would agree with a Hinduistic worldview. Similarly, a Hindu might be able to enfold some elements of Muslim teaching into their polytheistic faith, but they would be limited to a small portion of overlapping beliefs while disregarding the obvious places where there is disagreement. The disagreement is real, and it matters too much to minimize in the name of “tolerance.”
Without disagreement, tolerance is impossible. Disagreement is the context in which tolerance is practiced (or not). Ironically, this means that a significant amount of the tolerance that’s encouraged today isn’t actually tolerance at all.
What Tolerance Is
Rather than buying into worldly tolerance or rejecting it outright, it’s important for youth workers and parents to help their kids realize what tolerance really is: “respect despite disagreement.” In our social media age where everyone is constantly shouting at each other, it’s up to Christian parents and leaders to set a gracious and courageous example.
Respect: Tolerance chooses to show respect, not passive-aggressive agreement to put up with each other. This means we need to work to understand and appreciate one another. Ask questions and genuinely listen to the answers. Try to see the world from their perspective, refusing to embrace stereotypes we hear about in the news.
Despite: This means we don’t ignore our disagreements, and we continue to disagree because we think we’re right. How can racial, sexual, and religious tolerance be promoted if we aren’t willing to enter into difficult conversations, even if it means we might “say the wrong thing” or accidentally hurt someone else’s feelings. In an atmosphere of tolerance, when we’re on the receiving end of those missteps, we need to gently correct one another while still trying to hear what the other is attempting to say.
Disagreement: At the end of the day, we still may not agree… but we should understand each other’s perspectives better than we used to. Hopefully, I have grown in respect for you and you have grown in your respect for me. The disagreement remains, but our trust has actually increased because of the way we showed respect in the midst of our ongoing disagreement.
Tolerance is a Display of Christian Love
Christian tolerance isn’t a compromise and it isn’t syncretism. It’s love in action, directed towards those who Jesus calls his children to love. As Jesus told his disciples, “the world will know you are my disciples if you love one another” (John 13:35). He also told them, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?” (Matthew 5:44, 46). So, Christians are called to love their brothers and sisters (who are like them), and their enemies (who are actively persecuting them). Most clearly of all, we see Jesus’ example on the cross, where he died for and forgave his enemies (us!), in order that we might receive new life as children of God. If the love of Christ is the foundation of tolerance, then Christians should be the most tolerant people in our culture.
Time and time again, God’s love drives his people towards those who might otherwise be perceived as enemies. If Christians continue to fall into the world’s pattern of take-downs and harsh “truth telling,” then our children and teenagers are watching - and they’re seeing that we don’t actually believe the gospel we profess. Sure, we may talk about the love and grace of God. But it doesn’t seem to make any difference in the way we treat people, so it must be pretty worthless and dispensable. Christians who “say it like it is” without considering how others will receive it are being unkind, and they are sinning against others by the way they speak the truth. There is a time for hard truth that will hurt, but that time is far less frequent than many think.
Whether you are a youth worker or a parent, please consider your posture. Speak the truth, with genuine and patient love. Talk with the teenagers in your life about tolerance - what it is, and what it isn’t. Genuinely listen - not merely to the words coming out of their mouths, but to the passion with which they speak. Avoid putting motivations in their hearts. Instead, ask about their motivations behind their convictions and opinions. When you listen with patient love, and when you pray for wisdom, they’ll be more likely to listen. In the end, you may still disagree. But that’s one more opportunity to practice Christian tolerance… and show that your confidence is in God to transform hearts, not in your ability to win the debate.
