How Can Young Youth Leaders Partner With Parents?

This article is part of a series about the youth pastor’s ministry to parents. You can find the rest of the series with the Partnering with Parents tag. For more about family ministry and partnering with parents, listen to our podcast episodes with Anna Meade Harris, Kristen Hatton, Jared Kennedy, and Walt Mueller.

One of my greatest struggles through 20 years in youth ministry leadership has concerned how to serve parents of teenagers well. Like most who serve in this role, I began my ministry 4 years before my first child was born. I was a full-time youth pastor for nearly before I had a child of my own who was youth ministry age. The fact that I knew I had zero shared experience with parents in raising teenagers greatly intimidated me. I also lacked a depth of maturity, especially in the first five years, which shaped some regrettable attitudes toward parents.

So now, as I look back on the last two decades of ministry, I can unequivocally state that my biggest regret is that I failed to serve parents well for a long time. God is gracious, though, and I believe he is spurring me to be compelled by that regret to intentionally encourage a younger generation of youth ministry leaders to embrace this vital aspect to youth ministry.

Photo by Anna Vander Stel on Unsplash

Here are a few encouragements that I like to share with younger youth ministry leaders concerning ministry to parents:

Parents Are Not Rivals

I am ashamed to admit it, but early in my ministry to students I viewed parents as obstacles to student discipleship. Arrogantly, I assumed that I knew exactly what students needed and where I needed to lead them. Parents usually seemed to get in the way of that. I came to view ministry as something I did in spite of parents. I was absolutely wrong, and I now understand that this perspective was a great hindrance. When I came to that realization years ago, I knew I needed to repent and ask God to help me to see ministry through his eyes.

If I’m being real, yes, sometimes I can still get frustrated with parents. But I am reminded that all of us who follow Christ are referred to in Scripture as sheep! What I also see from Scripture is a picture of who we are as pastor-shepherds. As the Lord dealt with the sinful pride in my heart, I came to realize very quickly that ministry to parents is an absolutely vital aspect to ministry to students.

Since that shift, I have routinely asked God to give me a heart and vision that is for parents so that I may honor the various roles in discipleship that God has ordained. I want to pursue his vision, and encouraging parents to embrace their God-given role has become a large aspect of what I believe mine is.

You Don’t Have To Be A Guru

Before I had teenage children of my own, I would often allow the intimidation of not having any shared experience to paralyze me from trying to offer anything at all. But the Lord began to stretch me through Paul’s encouragement to Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). I heard someone say that “youth” is not to be taken as the basis for one’s confidence (or lack thereof).

No matter our stage or season of life, our confidence is rooted in the truthfulness, goodness, and authority of God’s Word. Timothy was not to let anyone despise his youth because he stood on God’s Word, both in proclamation and in action. He was pointing others in his care to the one source that is universally authoritative.

No youth ministry leader, regardless of age or season of life or parenting, should feel the pressure to be a guru. None of us are. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just be present. Seek to encourage. Communicate truth. And, above all, consistently point parents to the one source in whom lies all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Press Parents Into Christ

While I may not be able to speak authoritatively or experientially to many parenting situations, I can encourage parents who are in the throes of raising teenagers to press into Christ.

Two things are necessary in order to do that effectively. First, I need to listen. Because I am no guru, I understand that I need to listen to parents in order to understand their questions, struggles, and needs. When it comes to pressing cultural topics, taking some time to assess the level of awareness and understanding of parents first can go a long way toward addressing those issues. Effective ministry to parents often occurs within the context of dialogue rather than an authoritative monologue. Begin by listening, both corporately and individually.

Second, in order to press them into Christ and the truth of Scripture, I must seek to truly know the gospel in its full expression. I need to help parents see the beauty of the gospel beyond the plan of salvation and to every believer’s need for the gospel moment by moment. How does God’s grand plan of redemption inform the individual situations we face? What do the gospel promises that are ours in Christ mean for the way I view and react to our current struggles? How is God using every situation to complete the work he has begun within me? How does the reality of the gospel shape our response to our teenage children, and how does it help me to rest even in the struggle? What difference does the presence of the Holy Spirit make in my life? At the foundation, parents are disciples who simply need to be pressed more deeply into Christ and the reality of the gospel.

Press Parents Into One Another

Parenting is difficult. Often parenting teens feels impossible. I didn’t truly understand that until I had children of my own. Parents can often feel isolated in the midst of this difficulty. Now, one of my great priorities is helping parents see the gift they have in one another. We need community. We need to know the ugly lie that we are alone in our struggle is utterly false. We need to be reminded of all of the “one anothers” of the New Testament, coming alongside others for the purpose of bearing with and encouraging.

I love to open parents meetings by reminding them of the gift they have in each other, and to exit with instructions for them to share and pray together. I do offer discussion cards and perhaps instructions on how to break up into smaller groups. But on those occasions, I want them to not only look to each other but to Jesus, as a reminder that they are not the only ones struggling, and they have the opportunity to minister to and pray with each other.

Embrace the Role of Curator

Finally, I want to encourage younger leaders to be really good curators. We do live in a time of abundant resources, but we also know that not all of those resources are solid. Part of our responsibility of shepherding is doing some of the hard work of identifying which resources can be trusted and utilized. Even when we don’t feel like we have much expertise to offer, we can point parents to trusted voices that do! There are a few ways that we can do that effectively.

First, I have led quite a few parents meetings by reflecting on an article or resource together: “Here is a helpful guide from a trusted voice that I think is worth our consideration as we think through this specific issue. Take a few minutes to read it and then let’s reflect on it together.” I’ve even passed out resources that I didn’t fully agree with, but knew that it would yield good discussion (of course I shared my disagreements up front!).

Second, forward resources to parents. As you come across them, send the link with a brief explanation about what need or question this resource addresses. Something you might also consider is to create a resource center. This can include physical copies of resources or a collection of QR codes pointing parents to resources. Break this center up according to topic, and put it in a place where parents will see it often.

My exhortation to younger student ministry leaders would be to not delay this vital aspect of student ministry like I did. Because of the enormous influence parents have on their children’s spiritual development, the time we invest in shepherding the hearts of parents enhances ministry to students in exponential ways. Our vision should be aligned with God’s vision in seeing every Christian home as the primary incubator of spiritual growth as the power of the gospel shapes an intentional pathway of discipleship that families walk together day by day.